How To Practice Self-Love And Self-Acceptance With Pride With 8 Under Valued Technique
One of these evenings, I talked to a close friend who recently opened to me about his sexuality. I confronted him about the whole situation. Although his sexual preference wasn’t something that I would have judged him for or affected our friendship anyway, I wondered why he lied about his preferences and pretended to be someone he wasn’t. To which he said, “people are liberated l this happens in their own inner circle. They say that everything is acceptable and everyone has a right to do what they want to do, but sometimes it is not”. However, these things are not accepted by societal standards. And that he did not want to lose you and my closest people.
While having this conversation, I realised that although we think we’ve progressed and have modernised, we set our expectations high and expect others to be perfect. These expectations are that you must have a certain kind of job, friends, partner, etc. In all this, we tend to forget that everyone is different, including the people we perceive to be perfect.
We stay in an era where we keep listening to other people. The people’s opinion doesn’t only prevail limited to our home, our city, our village but worldwide. We hear a lot of judgments from people all across the world. We also try to fit ourselves into other people’s perspectives.
We must understand that self-love and self-acceptance are critical aspects of health and happiness. These are attributes that shape our mental, physical and emotional health authentically. When we refuse to accept ourselves, and when we try to fit ourselves against our reality, or someone else’s reality, we cut ourselves from the energy that we divorce a part of ourselves. And we do so, and we cut ourselves from the point that sustains life. This might not happen immediately, but it happens gradually. We become disconnected from reality and the life force. This leads to serious health issues, relationship issues, emotional issues, issues in our career, and almost all our lives.
When we don’t accept ourselves and our true essence, a part of us rejects a part of us that puts us into a fight against ourselves. It is essential to understand and accept the fact that we all are different. Some difference is welcome, and some are not. And if our differences don’t cause any harm to ourselves or anyone else, we don’t need to change it. We all have different personalities and qualities. Some of these qualities are well accepted and well recognised, while some are not. Those accepted are called strengths or specialties, while those that are not are called flaws. So it depends on us to check within us if they are flaws or just a different personality. Accepting ourselves the way we are and reconciling the conflicting part of our inner world is very critical to health, happiness, and growth. And when we fight with ourselves, we cannot achieve anything in the outer world.
Symptoms that you don’t love yourself and depending on others for your happiness are:
1. People who do not love themselves cannot be happy with themselves.
Their happiness depends on other people. When other people get happy, they get happy. They feel better around other people; they cannot stay and enjoy their own company. They need constant validation from other people to feel happy, or they tend to control other people in order to feel better about themselves.
2. They constantly justify themselves
People who don’t love themselves, their focus is entirely on boosting their positive and good traits. As a result, people around them constantly agree with them. They have this aura where they get people to agree with them even if, deep down, they know that they don’t believe in themselves.
So true love is never boastful. If you see an egocentric person, beneath that facade is a person who doubts themselves.
They are so because they are always dependent on other people’s approval. They want approval about looks, clothes, that what they are doing is right. They are indecisive. They want constant approval for their decisions, thoughts, and emotions.
4. Always in victim mode
They firmly believe that bad things happen to them all the time. They feel helpless, powerless and constantly blame themselves and others. Their misfortune helps them forget about themselves and keep their focus on what is happening to them.
5. They have low self-esteem
They always go back to people who dislike them or who put them down, hurt them or do not choose and keep them as an option.
Symptoms that you are not accepting yourself:
1. Criticise and judgment towards self
You constantly criticise and judge yourself harshly. This harms our physical, mental, and emotional health as well as growth.
When you criticise yourself for every small thing, or even something big, if something is different about you and judge yourself for doing things differently or being different, you hurt your soul.
2. Denying who you are
This is another symptom of not being able to accept oneself. We push ourselves to be someone else, to put ourselves into someone else’s shoes. They say yes to everything other people are saying only because you wish to feel the acceptance and belongingness of the group of people you like. So they will always keep denying what they want.
3. Developing victim mentality
You constantly feel that other people are against you and that they do bad to you. Everyone is there to get you. They blame others for not accepting them and constantly feel not seen by someone else rather than taking charge of their own life.
4. Low self-esteem
This is because us rejecting ourselves and not feeling confident about who we are. This results in us feeling inferior and low self-esteem. That is how the journey of self-hatred begins.
Lack of self-love creates shame which makes us want to be invisible. This creates a feeling of inactivity where we do not want to go out and meet people or try out new stuff.
What are self-love and self-acceptance?
Although both concepts are related and there’s a thin line between both of these terms. They are not similar. Self-love refers to see yourself as valuable in your own eye. Self-acceptance is a global affirmation about yourself. Self-acceptance is about embracing positive and negative personality traits. It is also unconditional. It recognises our strengths, weakness and uniqueness. To love ourselves, we need to explore the part we are not willing to accept. Loving yourself is all about loving yourself 100%. This is impossible when you constantly judge and criticise yourself while fitting yourself into another person’s reality.
Tips for practicing self-love and self-acceptance like a pro:
It is very natural and humanly sometimes not to feel good about yourselves or feeling angry about yourself. Feeling ashamed about some traits or part of ourselves is human. If we only see good in us and cannot see what is lacking, there will be no scope to improve.
This also does not mean that we constantly criticise ourselves or judge ourselves for not doing something right.
If you see yourself criticising and judging yourself, you know that you aren’t practising self-love and self-acceptance.
Following our steps to practice self-love and self-acceptance:
1. Focus on yourself
It is essential that rather than looking at other people and trying to be that, you should focus on yourself.
Having a role model is different, but being exactly like them or imitating them is not okay.
What would help you is don’t try to fit into other people’s reality. This means setting your standards, matrix, and significant to your success, growth, and happiness. It is essential to know that loving yourself is not selfish. You cannot love others if you do not love yourself. If you want to take care of others, you need to take care of yourself. Do not be afraid to love yourself.
2. Get rid of the need to change yourself
Change is constant. We always keep changing. Don’t get surprised to know that we are also different from who we were a month before. We need to change ourselves. It is essential to healing your shortcomings and your weakness constantly. You are unique and beautiful just the way you are. You have everything to become successful. You don’t have to keep changing to be successful constantly. Any changes that are a necessity will happen effortlessly.
3. Control your fear
It is a part of self-acceptance and self-love. When we affirm who we are and our reality, our friends or people around us do not match your frequency. You or them might not resonate with each other. You start being away from them. If something from your past or present leaves, it is only because you are energetically making space for something new and exciting to come in. New opportunities, new friends, and new things that you least expected but wished to manifest will start coming to fruition.
There might also be fear of being judged by others, but that is their point of view. It doesn’t have to be your reality. Don’t be afraid of owning your true self, affirming yourself about who you are, when they express criticism or judgment. They are projecting their discomfort about the topic, person, or personality trait.
4. Surround yourself with positive people
It essential to surround yourself with positive people because two people can have two different points of view, and when all these ideas, points of view, and possibilities come together, you grow. You motivate each other to develop, and it takes you higher. It is essential to choose your people wisely. Associate with people who help you comfort you and your fear and help you focus only on the positive aspects of life. It is important to remember that your mind is a magnet. What you focus on is what you will attract and get.
Do not take things personally when someone criticises you or judge you or offend you. Stop defending or justifying yourself. When you stop getting affected, you will realise that people are doing their best as per their positive resources. They could be projecting whatever was happening in their life. Focus on your progress and forget about perfection. When you do so, you will eventually achieve it. And for that to happen, you need to start somewhere. Take one step closer towards the goal, master that, or take it one step up notch when you get better at it.
When you only focus on the progress, eventually, you will be successful.
5. Let go and move on.
You cannot move forward till you discard the negative energies from the past. As I mentioned above, when you do so, you release that negative emotion, thought, or memory from your cells. When you do so, you create and welcome new energies and new beginnings. This space is essential for your progression.
6. Don’t give up
The above-given steps will help you to love and accept yourself better. But it is challenging to master all these steps quickly and easily. Therefore, whenever you fail, do not give up on yourself. Keep going no matter how many times you fall. Pick yourself up, dust off the dirt, and get back on the journey to discover and love yourself.
I spoke about this to you because I know it is difficult to be accepted by society. But what I want you to do is accept the truth to yourself first and be okay and proud to be who you are. Do not be ashamed of your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with you. Have faith in yourself. That’s all that matters in the end. Even if you are alone against the entire world, you accept who you are. YOU WIN!