Move-On VS Move Forward – What Do You Need To Heal And Grow From A Grief!

Moving forward and moving on sounds similar in sound or a phrase. But speaking of context, it is two different things.

When you are grieving for your loved ones, people would expect you to move on or eventually move on. But the idea of moving on from a loved one can be distressing.

Moving on implies leaving something behind. It suggests that the person you loved was a thing or a phase or a moment that you put back for your own sanity. However, when that person was a close part of your life, moving on becomes impossible.

Moving on comes with an unsaid rule of healing of grief in an allotted time frame. But, with that, we also wind up changing our growth in the process. I’m not suggesting you bask into your misery after your partner ditched you or after you’ve been cheated or lost your loved one or discouraged by an alcoholic partner. Instead, we have to visit the pain to understand why it is there, how it started and how to move forward. Or we end up reliving the same pain again and again like a pattern till we learn to master it.

We need to feel it to heal it.

Why moving on looks and feels impossible

Cobbler Ross, the model of grief, discussed the five stages of part of the grieving process, which includes anger, depression, bugging and acceptance. The one who is grieving needs to experience all the stages of growth from a painful situation. There is no right way to progress through these stages. Some people take longer than others. The people who believe in moving on and often are stuck in denial. This denial is different from the actual grieving process of having lost someone they love. The rejection which is mentioned in the model is linked to heartbreak and emotional trauma. The other kind of denial is rejecting and manipulating our own feelings for getting over the grief. It’s almost like hiding the dirt under the carpet and moving from one situation to another. This kind of scenario is equal to toxicity. By simply moving on, the person doesn’t grow. Initially, it might feel fine, but in the longer run, it becomes problematic. That person keeps experience the same pattern and reliving it again and again.

Limitations of moving on:

So grief doesn’t come with a timeline. Moving on doesn’t help one to heal from the situation or to grow. It doesn’t help in gaining any wisdom. There’s no self-awareness or insight with moving on. In this process, people lose connection with themselves and their emotions. That other results in attracting unhealthy toxic relationship or mechanical relationship rather than a loving and caring one.

Moving on reduces emotional ability. As a result, they often feel emotionally disconnected.

Moving forward:

This means that we take as much time as we need to understand what caused us the pain. So that we can grow from it. Moving forward is about self-awareness and learning our lessons.

When we choose to move forward, we take empowering steps to understand who caused the pain and what was the origin of this pain. We separate ourselves from the situation, pattern, emotion that no longer helps us to grow. We also can leave the person or problem in the past and continue to move forward in a much lighter way.

Moving forward suggests that we take the necessary time to understand our feelings and separate them while we are emotionally present to ourselves and gain empowerment. Unfortunately, that also means discovering our old traumas that are causing the current situation pain.

Moving on can be interpreted as rejecting ourselves by rejecting emotions and considered as toxic, whereas moving forward can be interpreted as compassion and self-acceptance. Moving on is regarded as limited understanding of self, or lack of empathy, whereas moving forward brings mental and emotional heart. Where our feelings, thoughts and experiences are valued and respected.

Moving on keeps our emotions under the carpet, whereas moving forward, taking time to process all feelings allows us to bring vulnerability and understand and respect our own feelings. Moving on is about rejecting our emotions and constantly blaming, whereas moving forward is about owning our feelings and taking responsibility and taking full charge of them.

If you or someone you know is grieving and need to talk to someone about moving forward, you can feel free to connect with me. There’s no right or wrong to grieve. There’s just your way, and you are not alone.

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